For Always, Forever
by Trinity Destler
Summary: An exploration of Cloud's character as he reflects on the past and tries to come to terms with the future. Post-game, Cloud/Aeris.
1. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

_(A/N: My first FF7 fanfic, please be gentle. I gave a bit more back-story then really necessary but that's okay._

_Disclaimer: Nah, they're all mine. I keep them in those big glass cages, I stole them from Hojo. If you think I'm serious about this maybe you should look into a lobotomy.)_

He plunked down on the warm sand of the beach, the ground was practically shimmering with heat and the sand was fine and soft. He didn't notice it. There wasn't much he did notice. He let out an enormous sigh, blowing wisps of blond hair out of his eyes, eyes that were lidded heavily, their brilliant blue gaze lazy and devoid of the intensity they once held.

He wasn't nearly as imposing as he used to be- not to say he was any less dangerous, he just didn't wear his strength on his sleeve anymore. And yet, his dense, muscled form spoke of endless potential to anyone who looked twice, even spread out laxly on the beach he created a stir.

No one seemed to be able to settle near him, no one could be calm in close confines to his unnerving presence. Women walking passed would let their glances linger, perceiving the confined strength in his body- those who looked deeper saw the same confined strength in his mind. It was never his body, impressing though it was, that made him so intimidating. It was an air, a presence, a look, that haunted expression that conveyed suffering if you bothered to see it- or cold unfeeling if you didn't. He would never lose that, no matter what happed to him; he would always be outwardly down right frightening.

He was, of course, completely oblivious to his affect on those around him- he always had been. He didn't notice the girls staring at him for as long as he was in their view, he didn't notice the knowing, measuring glance of the older women... he didn't notice the fear behind the eyes of the men, or the barely veiled jealousy. Sometimes the people that knew him well wondered if he was living in a world all his own. He sure seemed to be, especially now.

He rested on his elbows in the soft and malleable sand, stretching out his legs in front of him. He was clothed in a loose white shirt; the material was silky and free, open down the chest to the gap beneath his ribcage. Baggy blue shorts sheathed his legs, ending just below the knee and giving way to his calves and his feet, which were habitually bare.

He ran a strangely oversized hand through his hair, unruly and sticking up in tufts all over his head- like it always did. He had no answer when he was asked how he did it; he merely shrugged and cocked his head to the side. He wasn't the sort of person who would spend any amount of time at all on his appearance- he dressed for practice, as his current garb best suited the heat of the locale- and the only answer he could have given any one was that his hair 'just sort of does that'.

As he watched wave after wave crashed against the shore, children and girls in hardly-existent bikinis leaping into the surf and running away at the last moment, shrieking in mock terror. To everything he was an indifferent observer- except that he wasn't really observing at all, his radiant, strange, all-possessing eyes were _looking, _yes, but they didn't _see _the beach.

What he saw no longer existed anywhere but in the memories he carried with him. It was a world and time that felt so distant to him now... and yet, it felt almost as if part of him were still there. He was sure part of him would always be there. As he watched happy people frolicking in the waves and picnicking and laughing in the bright afternoon sun, he saw a gloomy alley teeming with undesirable life, and disgusting amounts of death.

_The street was filth-ridden, garbage and refuse and decay littered the pavement and wretches with no homes to go to lay full-bodied in the sickening mix. There was no sky, just a sickly grayness, and a smog-filled atmosphere much like an unnatural mist of sorts- the tops of the make-shift buildings were often lost to the semi-darkness that obscured this world._

_He could feel the dirt in the air every time he breathed; it was thick and tasted foul, like smoke. He was running, the footfalls of his heavy boots echoed even with all the noise of the city. If you could call it a city. Neon signs advertising the one thing striving in this polluted gloom, the underworld, flashed and distracted his sensitive eyes- his enhanced vision was often plagued by the assault of what most hardly noticed. He needed to get through and the crowd that pushed in the opposite direction was getting tiring- he wasn't the only one affected._

_Up ahead a young girl that looked entirely out of place was trying desperately to shield the basket in her arms from the people rushing passed her, her eyes were downcast and she didn't seem to recognize that something was going on at all. She wore a simple sheath dress of pink, the only trace of a cheery colour in sight, and a jacket over that a shade darker, her long brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail and hung at the sides of her face in braids._

Aeris. When he allowed himself to remember he saw everything in such stark contrast, he noticed things he hadn't at the time, it was more as though he was watching it all on some television screen in his mind than remembering it. The soft sounds of the beach had lulled him to sleep in the evenings, but during the day nothing could shut out the voice that had always seemed to light and small but held a certain power all its own. A quiet determination that no one he could think of had the strength to overcome, Aeris knew what was right and when she was on a path nothing and no one could set her off it or come in her way.

It was one of those things... that will of hers, coming out of a body that looked so deceptively fragile, that made her the one memory that haunted him out of all the horrific things he could be pouring over. He hadn't had an easy life- but for some reason she had made him trust her, and his trust wasn't something he gave out very easily.  
_  
A passing man intent on finding out what had caused the explosion that had so recently rocked Midgar to its core shoved passed the flower girl as if she weren't there, knocking her from her feet. He watched as her delicate form collided with the dirty pavement, scraping her bare limbs and coating her dress and cheek with muck- the basket slid across the street away from her, flowers spilling out and being ruined.  
_  
_**'I close my eyes, and there in the shadows I see your light  
You come to me out of my dreams across the night'**_

_He moved to walk away and then sighed, walking towards the girl and wondering why he cared after all this time trying to live like he had no soul- he was surprised it hadn't started to go to his head yet. Then again, considering his attitude of late, maybe it had. Maybe he was just getting better at pretending, at fooling everyone, including himself if he could pull it off. He lowered a gloved hand to the hapless flower girl, glowing eyes peering at her intently, waiting for a response._

_Aeris lifted her head slightly, seeing the impossibly long fingers hovering near her, incased in worn-down leather that looked like it had long since seen its best days. She followed the fingers to a hand, smooth, wide, flat palm- the glove many times creased with long use. It was his sword hand and there were calluses on the flesh beneath the brown material to prove his profession, had anyone been in doubt. The glove continued halfway up his forearm, flaring over his wrist, probably for protection in sword fights._

_Her eyes floated up to the bare part of his arm, sinewy and well-muscled, leading up to his massive shoulders and then to the stern expression on his face. His face was unexpected. Slender and well shaped high cheekbones that created deep hollows where cheeks should have been, sloping into a tight mouth with a slightly pouting lower lip. His face was almost... delicate looking, and yet not. There was something inescapably masculine about it, the sharp jaw and carved nose with a straight bridge and small, round tip._

_That wasn't what caught her attention so much, it was a rarely handsome face, unique and definitely beautiful... but what she saw that filled her vision and her mind was the eyes. Piercing, chill, pale and so perfectly blue. Like swirling whirlpools that had no bottoms, they caught her gaze and held it so completely she was unsure if she was still conscious or if she had fallen asleep and was looking up at the sky. And that was just the ordinary part of them, under that there was the glow. Faint, but enough to give the tops of his cheekbones and his eyelids the tiniest pale blue tinge in the darkened streets._

_She knew why there were glowing eyes, but she almost wondered if this wasn't part of his own nature because she couldn't possibly imagine him without this feature. It seemed inherent to him, something that belonged. She gradually realized she was staring at him and blushed slightly when she saw the impatience in his face._

_He may have decided he wasn't really made of ice, but he really shouldn't be stopping to help someone up- Barret would just explode if he missed the train. Barret would probably explode regardless of what he did. The girl seemed to study him slowly, in pieces, but when her gaze met his her breath seemed to leave her body and she just stared._

_Cloud squirmed under her emerald eyes, he couldn't withdraw his hand now and he didn't want to ask her what she was looking at... for some reason he would feel very cruel being rude to her. What was he thinking? He didn't even know her. A small hand grabbed his with surprising strength and he was startled out of his chiding of himself, he closed his fingers around hers in a vice like grip and shortly hauled her to her feet._

_**'You take my hand though you may be so many stars away  
I know that our spirits and souls are one  
We've circled the moon and we've touched the sun...'**_

_Standing next to her, rather close actually... there was a long tense moment of awkwardness before he snapped his head in a sort of bow of recognition and moved to walk away. She was getting to him and he didn't like it, it didn't make any sense._

_"Excuse me?" the voice was minuscule in the chaos surrounding it, but it seemed to wrap around him like a tentacle- he stopped in his tracks, grinding his jaw at his inability to leave her coldly. This wasn't fair, it had been so easy to toss aside the feelings of Jessie and Biggs and the others.... "Could you tell me what happened?"_

_Exactly the same thing that everyone else wanted to know! She wasn't so special, there was nothing about her that was exceptional; she was no more beautiful than a lot of other girls he'd known... well, maybe not a lot. At any rate, she was nobody he needed to care about; she was just a flower girl on the street. So why the hell did he care so much about being polite to her? Him! Polite! ...He used to be polite, before...._

_"Look," he glanced over his shoulder at her and then wanted to slap himself for the sudden look of wariness that passed her fine features. His tone alone had been enough for her to doubt the strange feeling of safety that came inexplicably from him. He turned around and took the step towards her again, standing fairly close so he could be sure she could hear him, he sighed as he found himself feeling the need to get her out of danger as well as the urgent press of time passing. "You'd better get out of here, it's not safe... do you have someplace to go?"_

_"I have a place, where I grow my flowers..." She cast a saddened glance at her ruined wares. He wondered why they were here, complete strangers, in Midgar of all places, talking so... so personally. In this city you never knew who you were dealing with, especially if you were young, female and attractive. She would probably end up dead- or worse with the trusting attitude she was showing him._

_"You don't see many flowers around here... actually, you don't see any..." he commented. Mentally asking his mouth what the hell it was thinking. He chewed his lip, his hand fidgeting uneasily with his bandoleer._

_"Oh..." her voice was like a sigh, as she bent to pick up her basket and found that there were still some blooms within it, untouched by the fall. She raised it and stood upright again, tipping the selection towards him; "Do you like them? They're only a gil."_

_See, mouth, brain, all you guys in there not paying attention? She's not special and she's not worth my time, she's just trying to make a sale!_

_"All right." His voice trembled. What the hell! Where is this going? Am I going to be soft now- what is this stuff?_

_"Oh thank-you!" She seemed incredibly happy considering the small amount and he wondered if she was really talking about the flowers. What else would she be talking about? With the beaming smile locked into his mind's eye he frowned tiredly,_

_"Now, could you please get out of here? It's not safe... I have to go. Get to wherever your home is- uh- girl." He rushed off before he could be called back again, behind him he heard a faint murmuring._

_"My name is Aeris..."_

From the very second he met her there was something about her that made him act... human. Act like himself, he knew now that he was whole, now that the adventure was over that the person she brought out in him really was _him. _At the time he was so confused, but looking back he could understand most of it- the part he didn't get was still why she brought out his true character when even his oldest friend and closest thing to a family he had left couldn't do that.

Tifa should have been able to rouse something in him; she should have brought out the person he was all those years ago when he first left to join SOLIDER. But for some reason... she just didn't. He was as cruel to her as he was to Barret and everyone else he just met. She should have been a connection but she was just a complication.

He felt a stab of guilt; Tifa may not have been the person to his younger self that he thought she was- but she was a very dear friend now. And not only that... she had fallen in love with someone who didn't really exist. Tifa would have loved Zack if she had had half the chance; he mused, staring out blankly at the sky. It wasn't long before Costa de Sol faded again and something far more beautiful- to his eyes- took its place.

_His eyes fluttered open to a room full of light. Brilliant colours twirled about in his head before he pulled himself up a bit, groaning and hating the dizzy feeling he couldn't shake. He lay back down and stared up at the ceiling, a jagged white hole above him let light filter through the dusty air and caress his pale skin..._

_It was soothing and he almost felt himself drifting off to a natural doze, something he'd not done in so long he couldn't remember the last time. There was something about this place, the light and something else he couldn't define- something that felt safe. Sensing he was being interrupted from the apparent solitude of this place he opened his eyes reluctantly to find a familiar pair of emeralds hovering over him._

_"You okay?" The same voice..._

_He jolted up a bit, instantly alert. Why was she here? Where was here? He became dimly aware of a dull ache through his entire body and a sensation of something soft and cool beneath him. He didn't feel motivated enough to rise._

_"If it hurts..." She started, taking the silence to mean he was answering in the negative- or unable to answer. He blinked his unearthly, electric blue eyes until her concerned face came into focus- why was she concerned? He was just some guy who bought a flower.... He lifted a hand and rubbed his forehead, pushing aside the stray blonde locks that always ended up falling across it._

_"I'm okay." He said softly, definitely, as if that were all there was to say. His gaze drifted from her face to the surroundings. The colours- they had been stain glass windows, there was a hole in the ceiling and the pure, natural looking light was warming his stiff limbs. The building was cavernous and beautiful, huge chandeliers and columns towered over their heads and the roof vaulted off into an artificial sky. Everything was white and open and full of light.... The girl that had seemed so out of place on the alleyway was perfectly at home here. "Where...?"_

_"This is the church in the sector five slums." She said matter-of-factly as she rose from her knees at his side._

_He slowly sat up; looking up at her and trying to fathom what made her so cheerful considering she lived in the slums... even if she lived in one of the last remaining beautiful places in the slums._

_The flower girl smiled gently as he shook his head to clear it; "You suddenly fell on top of me." She commented almost laughingly, "You really gave me quite a scare."_

_He processed this information and looked up at the hole in the ceiling again... he was starting to remember. "I came crashing down...?" He was talking more to himself than her._

_"The roof and the flower bed must have broken your fall." She said airily, sounding seconds away from a giggle._

_He rested his hands behind him and felt soft vegetation under his palms. He glanced down and groaned inwardly,_

_"Flower bed..." The multicoloured blooms were crashed under his weight, he pushed himself up quickly, nearly losing his focus and toppling over but managing to catch himself. "Is this yours?" He asked, turning around to look at the big garden._

_The area where he had been lying stuck out like a sore thumb from the other perfectly manicured and obviously well tended flowers. He felt himself blushing and wished he could lop off his offending cheeks, instead he covered his face with his glove, pretending to arrange his hair. It didn't look very convincing, mostly because he had no idea how to go about 'arranging' his hair. "Uh, sorry about that." He muttered sheepishly._

_"That's all right," she said, grinning, "they'll grow back in a week. The flowers here a very resilient because this is a sacred place... even when soldiers with swords as big as they are fall on them out of the sky. What happened to you, anyway?"_

_"Uh..." He grunted uncomfortably, not pleased with the turn of the conversation towards himself. He could see why she would want to know why he suddenly fell through her roof... but he couldn't see why she was being so polite about it. He had made a hole in the already run down church and he had ruined a large patch of the source of her livelihood. People just weren't nice to him- he was too scary to be nice to, but there she was smiling distantly like she knew something he didn't. "They say you can't grow grass or flowers in Midgar." He deflected, crossing his arms over his chest and tossing a careful glance her way._

_She sighed, she seemed to be disappointed that he wouldn't tell her how he came to be there. She didn't seem to think it was odd to be completely open to some stranger who just damaged her home. Her eyes were so trusting, he wondered if she was always like this of if he was special. She was probably always like that._

_"For some reason," She was saying wistfully, taking a knee and nursing her flowers, "the flowers have no trouble blooming here."_

_She stood up and cocked her head at him then cast her gaze around the room, hugging herself and shivering as she took in the airy room and the veritable field of blooms. Her eyes rested on him again and he felt strange shivers go up his spine, there was something odd in that look... he felt a foreboding tingle of premonition._

_"I love it here." She whispered, staring at him intently._

_**'So here, we'll stay...'**_

_"So we meet again," She said, breaking the spell in an entirely different tone, her face lighting up in a smile, "Or do you not remember me?" She giggled and bent to tend her flowers._

_"Yeah, I remember, I bought a flower from you the other night. You fell..." His arms dropped to his sides and he felt very defenseless all of a sudden._

_"I'm glad you remember me, but I didn't fall, I was pushed." She pretended to pout, grinning at him for a moment before turning back to the plants under her hands._

_He felt himself grinning lopsidedly for the first time in ages, he felt his cruel sense of humour coming on, "You're the slum drunk, aren't you?" He pointed at her as if recognizing her for the first time._

_"Oh!" She frowned, "You're so rude!" She crossed her slim arms over her pink dress and glared at him, then her expression softened, he wasn't sure if she saw he was joking or if she simply forgave the offense. "But you bought flowers from me so I'll forgive you. Say, do you have any materia?"_

_He quickly lost his lightening attitude and surveyed her carefully. So that was her motive... or maybe not, she didn't look too interested, it seemed more a conversational thing to say when there was nothing else to talk about. He weighed it, wondering vaguely if he should even care if she was going to try to hustle him- it's not like he would fall for anything she said, and it definitely wasn't like she could hurt him if they were to battle. He shrugged to himself, sensing again the strange aura that made him trust her._

_"Yes, some." He said simply. "Nowadays you can find materia almost anywhere." He added._

_"But mine is special," she started to laugh and glanced at him with sparkling eyes, "It's good for absolutely nothing."_

_He snorted at her naivete; "You probably just don't know how to use it." It was just a waste of power- why was he talking to her again?_

_"No, I do, really," She giggled, "It just doesn't do anything." There was long pause; he didn't really know what he was supposed to say to that. Eventually she continued, "I feel safe just having it with me- it was my mother's." She glanced upwards to the bright hole in her ceiling and clasped her hands to her chest. He eyed her, considering saying that sentimental value wouldn't save her from a monster in battle but then thinking better of it._

_"Say," she went on unfazed, "I feel like talking. Do you... feel up to it? You did have a big fall..."_

_"We're talking now aren't we?" He observed, she looked a little crestfallen and he hastily continued, feeling like a jerk for having snapped at her, "And the fall's nothing- I can handle it." What the hell- how many times had he said that to himself now after knowing this girl for all of ten minutes? She was so... out of the ordinary, she was messing up his persona and his thoughts were cloudy...._

_"Well then, why don't we talk about something, I mean have a real conversation. We are here meeting again, aren't we? I think everything happens for a reason." She watched him, her hands resting in her lap._

_He shrugged, trying to be as nonchalant as he usually was, "I don't mind." Shouldn't he be somewhere? He didn't know... Tifa might be worried, and Barret owed him a lot of gil. It didn't really matter, he wasn't in that much of a hurry- what harm could it do, anyway? This girl was... intriguing to say the least; her affect on him was something he had to explore. He guessed. At least that was why he told himself he wanted to talk to her- not just for the sake of talking to her._

_"Wait here," she chirped happily, "I have to check my flowers." He looked at the greenery in question and wondered what she could possibly be checking. Weeds? The flowers she had growing were weeds... He shook his head and just watched her go about her business. "You know, now that I think about it we don't know each other's names do we?" She straightened up and walked over to him, reaching out her tiny hand, "I'm Aeris the flower girl, nice to officially meet you." She smiled tenderly._

If only he'd know at the time that that moment would shape his whole future. Not just his future, either, the future of the entire planet. Looking back at it he made a choice then that decided the lives of everyone on the planet, of everyone who hadn't been born yet.... If he had refused her hand and left on his own the way he had been considering since he stood up then things would be very different. _Aeris... _It was such a beautiful name.

_He looked at her hand, offered to him so freely completely oblivious of what he might be, do, the impossibly enormous sword on his back that was telling of the power within in him that could easily crush a full grown man... much less a small woman like her. She was accepting of it all... if she even noticed it._

_**'For always, forever  
Beyond here and on to eternity  
For always, forever  
For us there's no time and no space  
No barrier love won't erase  
Wherever you go I still know in my heart you will be... with me.'**_

_"The name's Cloud," He said roughly, trying to convince himself he was still cold and arrogant... even though he never had been to begin with on the inside. "Me... I do a bit of everything."_

_She giggled and he felt a strange warmth fill him._

_"Oh so you're a jack of all trades, are you?" Aeris' smile was enigmatic._

The only times he ever smiled, laughed, joked... did anything the slightest bit human, acted the slightest bit like he really was on the inside was when he was with her. He didn't know why she brought out the truth in him, or why she made him drop his cool act and laugh and play around.... He didn't know why she made him feel. She was beautiful, but so was Tifa. She was playful... Tifa could be too.

Aeris was always cheerful, she saw the best in everyone, she saw people for what they really were and she thought everyone deserved a second chance- or as many chances as it took for them to do the right thing. She would forgive you for anything; she cared about your feelings no matter who you were....

She gave him a chance to be himself because somehow he knew from the beginning that she wouldn't judge him or think he was weak or... she would like him for who he was. He didn't know if Tifa could- Tifa hadn't liked him before, when there was no duplicity, when he was himself. Tifa only liked him after, when he started acting more like Zack... little things, gestures, a tone of arrogance... the coldness was his own creation, but he thought he needed it to protect himself. He didn't want friends then; he needed to guard his shatter soul from feeling. But Aeris knocked down the guard... effortlessly. She wanted to meet him....

It was at this very beach that the defining moment for him took place. It wasn't as big or impressive as the things that happened later, it wasn't something that changed the fate of the world. Aeris would have prayed for Holy and Sephiroth would still have... everything would have been the same without it- but for him, it was his anchor and his base, from which he could jump into his quest for who he really was. Aeris knew, but he didn't yet.

_Cloud lay on the beach; his boots, gloves, armour and sword in a messy pile beside him and his bandoleer hanging down his hips as he stretched out, relaxing for the first time in far too long. They were staying the night to rest and he couldn't help but want to spend as much time as he could outside in the cool breeze from the sea... in solitude, as always. He was thinking about nothing, or trying to, wanting to push the more serious thoughts of the task at hand aside while he could. But it lingered as always, none of them could push it out of their minds for long._

_"Comfortable?" A familiar giggle sounded somewhere above him. _

_Cloud smiled, opening his eyes to see something much like what he saw when he first came to in the church, endless pools of emerald hovering over him. He sat up, leaning back on his elbows._

_"Yeah, wanna join me?" He gestured to the sand beside him, feeling unusually cheerful all of a sudden. _

_Aeris cocked her head as if considering, then shrugged and flopped down next to him, closer than he thought she would. Cloud shifted a bit to the side so they were facing, strategically putting more space between them. Aeris grabbed his hand suddenly and his eyes jerked up to her face in surprise,_

_"Look, Cloud!" She pointed out to sea and he followed her finger to a huge bird of prey swooping down towards a small island off the shore. He watched until the bird was out of sight then turned to his companion._

_**'From this day on, I'm certain that I'll never be alone  
I know what my heart must have always known  
That love has a power that's all its own'**_

_"What's a hawk doing here? They don't usually live near beaches- do they?"_

_He noticed uncomfortably that her hand was still clutching his loosely. He didn't want to pull away, but leaving his hand in hers was making him uneasy. He always tensed when she touched him; Aeris had noticed and had made it her mission to make him loosen up._

_"I don't know...," she said softly, still looking out at the sky where the hawk had been. She sighed, "It was beautiful, though, wasn't it."_

_"Yeah." He swallowed; wondering when she would noticed her hand._

_"Cloud, do you think the hawk's like us?" She turned to him and looked expectantly into his eyes._

_He frowned in confusion._

_Aeris tried to clarify, "I mean, it's a powerful creature... but it doesn't belong here and it probably has some sort of purpose here. We go all kinds of places, nice places and terrible places- but we don't really belong there, we're just trying to save the planet. We all have our strengths, but sometimes we can't use them because we're not suited to our surroundings... Am I making any sense?" She giggled._

_"Yeah... yeah, you kinda are." Cloud let his gaze drift and then looked at her, "You're right, actually."_

_"I'm glad you understand, most people just think I'm weird."_

_"I'm pretty weird myself." he returned dryly._

_Aeris laughed, "You are." She smiled, "I like you anyway... you're different."_

_He looked up at her and wondered why he felt so strange all of a sudden... "I don't know what I am anymore. How can you like me if I don't even know who I am? Aeris... I... I don't know. Everything's always so complicated with me, I just wish you'd never gotten mixed up in all this."_

_"I'm happy I did, I get a chance to help save the planet. And I met all these wonderful friends, Tifa and Red and Barret... and I met you." She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them, then seemed to change her mind and stretched her legs out again._

_Cloud noticed for the first time that she wasn't wearing her jacket, it was on the top of the pile of his things. He'd never seen her without it before._

_**'For always, forever  
Now we can fly  
And for always and always  
We will go on beyond goodbye'**_

_"I'm not your friend?" He teased lightly, surprising himself again at the way she brought out the happiness he had known was in there somewhere._

_"No..." she said very deliberately, not jokingly either. _

_Cloud started, shocked at the answer, "I'm not? What am I then?" He stared at her, waiting for her to start laughing, _something_ to indicate that she was having him on._

_"You're..." She shifted up onto her knees and crawled closer to him where he sat motionless, his mouth hanging slightly open, "...special."_

_"How?" He whispered, her face was so close to him he could have counted the tiny freckles that peppered her nose and cheekbones. He shook his head slightly, tufts of his hair tickled her forehead and she reached up to brush them aside._

_"You're different... you make me feel something... I've never felt. I don't know if it's because you have so much confusion inside you- or if..." She trailed off her eyes trained on his, capturing his gaze and not letting him look away. "I'm a Cetra... the last of my kind, I shouldn't..."_

_"What?" He was breathless and he didn't know why._

_"...Cloud..." She sighed, her gaze drooped and he didn't want to guess where she was looking, it couldn't be... she couldn't mean... Did he want her to? Oh damn yes, more than anything. He wanted.... She saw him for his true self- how could she... no one...._

_**'For always, forever  
Beyond here and on to eternity  
For always, and ever  
You'll be a part of me'**_

_"What is it...?" He was grateful his hands were embedded in the sand holding him up, if they had been free they would be shaking. Aeris' hand squeezed his and trailed up his tense arm and across his shoulder, finally resting against his cheek, her fingertips floating over his skin as if they had always longed to._

_"Cloud..." she repeated, raising her eyes to his again, the glow had seemed to brighten as his heart thundered in his chest, Mako laced blood pounding in his ears. "I... I thinkI'm falling in love with you. I think... I think I've already fallen...."_

_He clenched his teeth, it was impossible. It was impossible! She couldn't really- it couldn't happen! Why would anyone... he was barely keeping his hold on sanity, he didn't trust anyone, he was dangerous, he was practically bipolar, he...._

_Her lips covered his and his senses sank into an endless world of softness, sensation and tenderness. He sat up slowly as she pressed her mouth to his in slow arcs, his hand threading through her thick hair as he held her closely, his other arm sliding around her waist as he started to timidly return the kiss. He'd never kissed anyone before, neither had she. It was taken to mean too much... kisses meant just as much as love-making, sometimes more._

_As he pulled away from her, her hair ribbon caught in his fingers and he pulled out the ponytail with it, long brown tresses fell about her shoulders as she caught the other end of the ribbon in her hand. He stared down at the connecting pink fabric... it was believed that all true lovers were connected by an invisible ribbon and unless you were connected your relationship was doomed to fail.() Aeris giggled uncertainly as the moment stretched on- wondering if she had done the right thing after all._

_Cloud looked up at her very suddenly, his expression unfathomable. His eyes were definitely brighter than usual, she determined, the pale blue glow lit his face strangely... His mouth opened and then closed again, he smiled tightly and finally spoke, "I love you, too." Was all he could manage, Aeris could have fainted from relief as she threw her arms around his slender waist._

_"Cloud... I don't know what's going to happen to us... I don't know..." She pressed her cheek against his chest, "But I know that someday we'll all be together again, we'll laugh about this adventure and we'll remember how it used to be... as long as we believe we can win. When it's all over- if you love me I can come back to you."_

_He twined his fingers through her hair, disturbed at her words, "What are you talking about Aeris? Where are you going?" He looked down at her; she couldn't be leaving him after finding a way to burrow through all his defenses into his heart.... Could she? She was the only one he knew him... really knew him._

_"I'll have to do something soon, but I don't want you to be afraid." She lifted her head and peered into his eyes, seeing straight through into his soul. "Promise me you'll trust me- promise me you won't be afraid."_

_"I- I won't be afraid." He was puzzled, but it didn't really matter. Aeris nodded and lowered her lips onto his again. Cloud pulled her as closely to his body as possible, holding her- somehow he already knew this wouldn't last- she wouldn't be there for long._

And so she wasn't. But she had seemed to know... and she had said she would come back... if he loved her. He didn't know what that meant, if she meant her spirit would always be with him, or if she somehow thought that she would literally return. The memory of her death was the one thing his mind couldn't summon up and play before him... he couldn't relive that moment. A lighter, strange time instead was conjured in the mists of his imagination; a time that he never understood.

_The Gold Saucer was ornate, fantastic and almost... unbelievable. The whole place was lit brightly with thousands of tiny multicoloured lights, and searchlights that danced across the night sky. The night she had charged into his room and carted him off for a 'date' was clear and cool; the air was crisp and chill but mild enough for walking. They had been together quietly under the noses of their companions for some time, Red XIII was the only one who knew because he was the only one they felt they could tell. This though, was their first official date and it made Cloud nervous for no real reason at all. He was confused that she would keep to the bargain they made when he agreed to be her bodyguard- especially considering the confessions of the beach of Costa de Sol._

_But she did come and she seemed determined to have a first date that embarrassed her partner as much as a real first date would have. The play was... interesting. He couldn't deny that he had fun, but some of it was at her expense, which he felt a little guilty about regardless of her deserving it._

_The gondola was where he felt that electricity on the air, the sensation of something important happening... nothing much did happen, they didn't even say much, but what was said... Cloud knew it had to have a deeper meaning if he thought about it. He had to figure out what she was trying to say to him- at the time it was almost nonsensical to him, but now... Aeris always understood him better than he understood himself._

_"It's beautiful, isn't it?" She sighed wistfully, staring out the window of the small wooden car at the endless expanse of night around them. Or, she couldn't have really been looking at the night, since the scenery of the Gold Saucer effectively blocked it out. Huge yellowish domes covered in neon signs and decorative lights and searchlights and roller coasters screaming passed and thrilling their passengers. Fireworks crackled loudly and momentarily outshone the stars themselves... Aeris head lowered from the view and she stared at the floor for a moment, her eyes distant, her thoughts far away. Cloud held the edge of the bench seat so tightly the wood started to splinter in his hand. He looked at the damage sheepishly and tossed his hand in his lap, hoping she wouldn't notice just how tense she was making him._

_"You know, Cloud... at first it bothered me... how you looked so exactly alike; you and Zack, I mean. I guess you don't really _look _like him so much as you... you have something he had. You're two completely different people, but you have something the same and the way you walk, the way you gesture.... I think for a while I must have seen him again, in you." She shook her head, looking up and staring into his eyes, her expression was somber and she seemed upset with herself suddenly, "But you're different. You aren't him... you're not even like him, now that I know you. I guess I could thank him for drawing me to you, because once I saw past what he was and saw you- "_

_"Aeris... you don't have to talk about it. I know you don't just see him." Cloud watched her eyes for a reaction; she looked down again, not meeting his gaze._

_"That isn't it... but he is what drew me to you and I'm thankful for that. I love you; I never loved Zack... I never loved anyone. You are different, _things_ are different." She looked up at him and seemed to almost smile tenderly. More fireworks went off outside and the angles of her face were lit by the brilliant displays, flashing him pieces of her expressions in stark contrast. "Oh Cloud... I'm still searching for you..."_

_He couldn't think of anything to say. He wasn't sure what she meant... or if she was even being literal. There were a lot of questions about who he was, but he had always relied on her to know him, whoever he was and to be able to tell when he was acting out something that wasn't really part of him. How could she love him if she wasn't even sure who he was? How could she still be searching for him? What does that even mean anyway? He was silent; the questions hung on the air unanswered._

_"I want to meet you." She said simply, folding her hands in her lap and staring across at him, tears building in her eyes._

_"But I'm sitting right here...." He whispered, looking imploringly into her glistening eyes, he wanted to reach out to her... hold her... do something to show her he was already here and she could have him if she wanted._

_"I know, I know..." she trailed off and glanced out the window again, "What I mean is..." she caught him in her gaze and he'd couldn't remember ever being looked at so intently. "I want to meet... you. I want all of you, unbroken, without all this mystery that none of us understand, without all the terrible things that I know must have happened to you- I can hear your soul's cries, Cloud! You're always in so much pain and that hurts me, too. I want you to be whole again, to be pure, to know why your memories are what they are, to know why nothing makes sense. I want you to have your life back- I want you to have back your will, I want you to be with __everyone the way you are when we're alone together. I know that's who you really are- what's stopping you from letting that show? Cloud... you're scattered, you're only pieces of yourself, half the time you're someone I don't recognize. Cloud... I want to know... _you

_The fireworks outside the window reached their peak. Aeris was sobbing quietly. Cloud sat across from her completely stunned by what she had said. And stunned by the sad realization that she may never have this wish come true._

_"I don't know... how to help you, Aeris. I don't know the truth... I know there's still a kid inside me that's really me- I know there's a man with no heart at all I show most of the world. I know there's a strange mix of both of them that just... comes out. I don't know how to fix myself, because I don't even know what's wrong." He slid to the floor in the middle of the car and pulled her down from her bench until she fell lightly into his lap, "I wish I could show you who I really am all the time, but I don't know who I am. Whoever Cloud Strife really is... he loves you."_

_"I know," she whispered, "And without even understanding why, I love him too."_

She never did get to meet him. The chance was snatched away from them when Sephiroth drove his sword through her torso, coming down from above like a vengeful god. He shivered with the thought, but he refused to remember... the way his head had fallen onto her chest as she lay spread across his arms, he body a dead weight. She managed the last words she ever spoke with the tiniest trace of a smile on her face,

_"I love you."_

It made him want to scream. Maybe he did scream, he couldn't tell if it was only his soul making that cry of ultimate suffering, or if it issued from his lips as well. He had become as cold and distant as he had been before he met her; he didn't allow himself to enjoy anything... Even when it was all over, her words promising her return haunted him.

_"I'll come back when it's all over."_

She knew she was going to die... what did she mean when she said she'd come back? He spent every waking moment either pouring over his memories or thinking through every possible meaning she could have had. He was waiting... he didn't know if he was waiting to die himself or waiting for her to just walk up beside him one day and ask if he'd missed her. What if that happened? What would he do? He couldn't even imagine how it would feel... he shouldn't bother to waste the time trying to, it wasn't going to happen.

Cloud stood up on the beach, looking out at the sunset- he'd flitted away another day in the same memories. He walked slowly out into the surf, mostly abandoned by the other vacationers, his big hands hung loosely at his sides... useless. He jerked his head up as he heard the scream of a hawk... a hawk on the beach. He shook his head, he knew he didn't belong here- but he didn't know where he did belong.

"Aeris... I love you, more than I did before, even... Come back to me." His voice drifted, getting lost in the crash of the waves. The cool water washed over his feet as he walked farther and farther into the sea, not caring that he was getting wet. "I trust you." He ducked his head under the water, drenching the thin material of his shirt... every night was the same. Except this night, he didn't come up.

_**'And for always, forever  
A thousand tomorrows may cross the sky  
And for always and always  
We will go on beyond goodbye'**_

He felt as though he were floating, blond hair swirling around his face and clothing hovering away from his frame. His Mako eyes lit the murky water; it would have been a greenish hue if not for the intense blue of the light source. He watched particles of dirt filtering through the water; they were like stars... Cloud's lungs burned in protest against the lengthy dive, he fought his body's instinct to claw to the surface. Stars... _would she want this? Do you want me to come find you, Aeris?_

_She would want you to live. Don't you trust her? She told you she would come back._

At the last moment he thrust towards the light of the dying sun and none too soon broke the surface of the waves, coughing and sputtering.  
He clenched his eyes shut tight, trying to shut out what he had almost done- not for the first time, either. He whispered fiercely to himself, "Damn it, Strife, get a grip!"

"Cloud?" A female voice called to him,

His head snapped around to face the source.

"_Cloud!_" She repeated, concerned to see him far from shore.

_Tifa. _

He sighed. "I'm coming!"

_And I'm going to keep waiting... if I have to wait my whole life. I will meet her... some day. _He started towards shore with long strokes of his powerful arms; _I will find my Promised Land._

_() Japanese symbolism (there's tons of this stuff in the game itself, especially between Cloud and Aeris).  
_


	2. Tremulous and Tender

__

(Originally, this fiction was supposed to be one shot... but there's a horrific shortage of Cleris of any kind and I decided to write more, even if this is depressing. Anyone who is reading this, please let me know what you think and if I should go on to write a longer story or just leave it.)

He stood on the beach in front of his childhood friend, sopping wet, the waves still crashing up against his calves... but he moved no further. Tifa wrapped her arms around her body, shivering as she rubbed her palms up and down in an attempt to warm herself. Her ruby eyes regarded him; their glance was soft and melancholy. She had decided to stay here with him for as long as he needed these longs days of reflection, to become lost in what he had and what he might have had with Aeris... that was after the last time Cid called her, cursing up a storm and saying Cloud had tried to kill himself. She had thought he was stronger than that now... but he'd been underwater for so long...

"Hey." He said simply, wringing out his shirt and then dropping it, letting it cling to his body and chill him. He did it every night and he still hadn't learned to take his clothes off before diving into the surf. Tifa watched him warily, she wasn't sure she could trust him not to do something rash. Something Aeris wouldn't have wanted him to do, she felt her eyes become murky and turned away. How could she look at him and see his face so empty and expect to tell herself he would be all right? She missed her friend as much as he missed his love- but she hadn't needed Aeris the way he needed her. He had become so cold and distant... Tifa had long since realized the only reason he had come out of his shell for that short while was Aeris' presence.

She wasn't a fool. She saw the way they looked at each other, even if they had never admitted the way they felt they would still have been as obvious as a Chocobo in a group of Red XIII's race. The way it was, after Costa de Sol they were always missing together and they were always in the same party and they always shared a bed when the Inn wasn't big enough to house them all separately. Barret had once commented that it was strange that they refused to when the other beds weren't in the same room... Tifa could see that it was because they didn't trust themselves. She almost wondered if they had ever given in.... she didn't have the guts to ask Cloud about it. Then or now.

She'd known for a long time, she'd even caught them kissing once, not that she interrupted to tell them that. She let them believe they were convincing actors because she didn't want to hear the speech that she knew would come if Cloud found out she knew. Tifa may have been in love with him, but she wasn't four years old. She was a strong woman who could more than look after herself, not only that, she was strong inside after she'd been through so much. Tifa could admit easily that what had happened to her was peanuts compared to what happened to Cloud, but she also knew she'd lived a hard life and she shouldn't be falling apart every time she didn't get what she wanted; she should be used to it by now. 

She hadn't liked Cloud when they were children, or she supposed she had, but she hadn't liked him the way he liked her or nearly as much. They had been shaky friends, she wished she could go back and change that because the only reason they had been shaky friends was a stupid one and it was her fault. The well surprised them both, her because he asked her, him because she asked him to be her hero. Cloud didn't keep that promise until the end... when he caught her, but by then she had realized the truth. The little boy she'd barely known was the person Aeris loved, the one she was searching for, the one that loved her in return. The man Cloud showed the world before he met Aeris and for a long time after her death, that was who Tifa wanted, the man she loved was just a dark shadow on Cloud's much more innocent soul.

She hadn't been able to see for so long, she hadn't known that he was so lost... the dripping figure before her was a vision, as he had always been, but his outer beauty hid so much ugly pain and anguish. He was searching for himself most of his life, he was young after all, he hadn't even turned twenty-two yet, and no one seemed to notice or care until the flower girl came into his life. She saw the outside and knew that couldn't be all there was... Tifa never realized Cloud was so complex, she never knew how sensitive he was- it was almost odd to try to ask herself to believe that after the months of coldness and curt commentary. And yet, if she let herself she could see so much compassion and feeling behind his eyes, they looked like ice, but they were more like the reflective surface of a lake. Perfect and beautiful, but showing you only what you brought to them.

It took every part of her trying to see passed the barrier to penetrate and then the tiniest glimpse of what dwelt there would make her recoil in pain. Cloud Strife was aptly named. He had been through more than enough to kill him, and that didn't refer to all the danger he lived his life around, but to the mental torture and anguish. The experiments, Nibelheim, Sephiroth, his mother... Zack... Aeris... it was a miracle he was sane. Tifa hadn't seen him romantically when they were young because he hadn't seemed strong- but he was so much stronger than the greatest warriors, the man had hit absolute bottom and bounced. She stared up at the sunset above the beach, the great star was falling in a fiery blaze and the crimson seemed to kiss the sand and the tops of the waves.

"Hey," She answered him finally, "thinking again? Cloud... I don't want to tell you that you have to move on. You don't have to move on the way you think, but couldn't you start living, Cloud? Couldn't you _be_? She wanted so desperately to know you for who you really are... she wanted so much to know you the way I could have." Tifa faltered and sucked in a deep breath, he couldn't know what she had been thinking and she didn't want to open up that black hole of emotion when he had enough already. "You were so hopeful when we left the crater... don't you still want to meet her... as you?"

He remained silent, watching his friend push her long dark hair back from her face as the wind whipped it around her body. Nothing stirred in him as he looked at her and he wondered vaguely what that meant. "How did you know she wanted to meet me?" He whispered, almost under his breath, he wanted so much to be able to talk to her, but he could never bring himself to open up. He hadn't opened up to anyone since Aeris' death... not in the same way. He stayed motionless on the beach, ignoring the way Tifa pleaded him silently to come inside.

"She used to ask me about you. She wanted to know what you were like when you were a kid." Tifa stopped, feeling a familiar emptiness next to her heart where Aeris' smile used to be. Her own lips curled up lightly and she stared out to sea again, the memory flushing her.

__

"Well!" Tifa giggled uncontrollably as Aeris shoved her over and climbed into bed with her. They had opted to bunk up since Cloud was reluctant to share a private room with either of them, Aeris because of what they might do, Tifa because of what he might say. It was just a generic night on the journey, nothing very important had happened to them in what seemed like ages, they had become so accustomed to flash and danger that life seemed boring without it. They were on their way to Cosmo Canyon and it was a very long and tedious way. Cloud had eventually relented to pleas to find a town and Inn, which brought them very much off their path.

"Well what!" Aeris giggled back. The pair had had far too much fun for two women on a mission to save the world, both of them old enough to know they should be sleeping and not gossiping, neither of them caring. Tifa looked at her friend's sparkling emerald eyes and wondered what the Ancient could be thinking, she wanted to talk as if they were twelve and there was nothing more horrifying about tomorrow than dad taking a turn cooking. Tifa wanted to seize this chance to be normal, it didn't come very often and it never came without bringing some new shock behind it. She missed the days as a big group around the campfire, Barret drinking too much and telling stories, Vincent looking dark and uncomfortable with the gay surrounding, Cid smoking and swearing until he was blue in the face, Red XIII being intellectual about something or other...

She missed them all; they were like a family together in more ways than one. Tifa missed the chance to see Cloud sitting next to the girl in pink now by her side that would poke and bother him until she could make him laugh. She missed hearing him laugh... it was a sound she'd heard not more than two or three times, all of them when Aeris was responsible. He had a deep, gentle laugh that made his eyes light up like a child's and seemed to linger on the air long after he had fallen silent. She supposed that was what she missed the most. It was magic to watch him transform from distant and sad to a blushing, giggling boy who would rather have looked sorrow square in the eye and laughed than caught the long face.

"You know what I mean!" She prodded her friend; "I asked you who you'd have a crush on, if you were going to have a crush on anybody. Tell me! I just want to gossip and it's not like anyone's had time to get around! We'll have to make it up." She giggled to herself; Aeris had gone a little quiet.

"Well a crush is one thing..." the Ancient trailed off, then turned to Tifa with a strangely contented smile, "but someone in love- that's something to gossip about." She fell silent and her smile grew a little. Tifa sensed a change in the atmosphere and knew that they wouldn't be getting lost in a silly game this night; she could always tell when Aeris was going to be philosophical and she always listened to the lesson, Aeris had a sort of wisdom all her own. She saw things no one else noticed, especially within people's hearts. "Have you ever been in love, Tifa?" Aeris' soft voice drifted across the darkened room.

"No...well...not really." Tifa paused, giving the issue some more thought. She didn't want to turn the talk to herself so she quickly settled on her first impulse, "No. I've decided, I haven't and I don't really know what that means."

"Maybe it means you haven't met your soul mate yet." Aeris said quietly.

"You believe we have soul mates?" Tifa looked at her. The moonlight slanted across the soft features of Aeris' face and she seemed to be worlds away from the small bedroom and settled in a happier place without pain or suffering- or a planet struggling to hold on to life. A place without an ultimate evil waiting to strike. Tifa shivered at her own thoughts, she could never escape the knowledge that their journey was the deciding factor between life and death.

"I do... I have to, because I've found mine." Aeris woke up suddenly and giggled, "I'm sorry, you must think I'm so corny. I can't help it; it's a corny subject... Tifa, there's someone who just seems to be everything I could ever need or want. He's my other half- he makes me whole. It's not cliche to say that because it's true; I need him because he can protect me, he makes me feel safe. He needs me because I can help him feel safe on the inside- that's where I'm strong and he's weak. Oh... I don't know... I could go on for hours about how much we give each other, but when it really comes down to it I guess I just love him. But then sometimes I think about it and wonder how I could... I don't know everything about him; he's too complicated. There's someone inside of him fighting to get out... that's who I want to meet. I want to see him the way he really is- no masks... no past that twists his manner.... I feel like I've known him my whole life, but I'm still waiting to meet him- for real."

"Aeris..." Tifa was shocked by the confession, she wondered if she should just tell her friend that she knew it was Cloud. It seemed silly to continue on so secretly and ruin the few scarce moments they could snatch to be with each other just because they were trying to keep it from their very dearest friends. Aeris had practically told her just now; maybe she was so exhausted... maybe she was tired of the secrets, too. Whatever it was, she didn't seem to be very aware of what she was doing. Besides all that, and the obvious evidence, Tifa hadn't yet seen proof of he secret couple and she could have been wrong about them, it was that very night she had her first indisputable proof.

The beautiful flower girl turned to her friend and her expression became one of concern, "I'm sorry Tifa, did I upset you? You look awfully pale. Maybe... we should just get some rest now. I wanted to bug you for some stories about Cloud when he was little, I've almost run out of things to tease him about." She pretended to pout, trying to lift the spirits of the troubled girl before her.

Tifa nodded, yawning, "All right, I'll rest. If you can't think of anything to bug good ole Cloud about just do his hair... that one never gets old. Good night, Aeris." She smiled and lay down. As she had expected Aeris remained motionless for a long moment until Tifa started to purposely slow her breathing, when the Ancient was convinced she was asleep she carefully rose from the bed and padded towards the door quickly and quietly. Tifa opened her eyes just enough to see out of in time to see Aeris open the door, looking behind her at the dim bedroom as she did so, only to run into Cloud's chest when she stepped forward. He had been in the hallway about to turn the knob himself.

"Cloud!" She whispered in muted surprise, he grinned sheepishly.

"I couldn't sleep." He said softly, glancing over Aeris' shoulder to Tifa, "Is she-?"

"Yeah." Aeris answered, looking up at him, "Cloud...don't ask me why I think so, but I think Tifa knows. I was talking to her before she fell asleep and I think I said too much- it seemed to have a strange affect on her, she looked so thoughtful and then she looked sick. But I asked her if she'd ever been in love and she said no. I wonder if maybe we were wrong about her...."

Tifa lay still, listening in and trying to process what they were talking about, she was waiting for something to tell her that what seemed to be the blatant topic really was the blatant topic. She would be very embarrassed if she was mistaken about this, but she didn't see how she could be. 

"I don't think so." Cloud said gently, "Tifa needs to think about what she really wants and even if it isn't me- she still does. Aeris, Tifa is important to me, but she's her own person and she needs to solve her own problems. You can't spend every moment worrying about someone else, most people are strong enough to take care of themselves... it's only me you need to worry about." He added softly, Tifa watched as Aeris hands slid up his chest and his arms circled her waist.

"I do worry, but you know I'll always look after you, right?" She smiled at him, her face illuminated by the light pouring in from the hall. One of Cloud's hands slipped up to cradle her head.

"Right... and you know I'll always be your bodyguard?" He grinned lopsidedly. 

"My spiky-headed prince will always come for me." She started to giggle as quietly as she could, they were both rather given to being corny and couldn't seem to help it even in the most serious moments, and then they seemed to have even less control over their making fun of themselves.

"He will." Cloud said in cheerful reassurance. Aeris giggled again as he leaned down to her and pressed his lips against hers with a certain grace that came with being absolutely sure of what he did as the right thing. He had painstakingly learned that there was at least one person in the world who could always be counted upon not to hurt him. Aeris arms closed around his neck as she pulled him closer, Tifa watched the couple for long uncounted minutes that seemed to take lifetimes to pass by her. That night she learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that everyone's suspicions about Cloud and Aeris were true. And she learned that she did love him, even if it wasn't quite as wholly and perfectly, she did love him in her own way and she would later prove that by giving up everything for him. 

"Cloud I came here to help you go on, live on, just help. I don't want to think I can't help you, I don't want to think the only thing I'm good for anymore is telling you a few stories about Aeris you don't know. I left a lot of chances to build a whole new city, a whole new way of life because I couldn't leave you behind, shattered and alone. It would make her so happy if you started helping to heal the planet she gave her life to save... don't you want that?" Tifa's eyes searched his desperately for some sign she was getting through to him. Cloud shrugged and finally started walking up towards the town.

"I don't know what I want, Tifa." He said, his voice was low and gravely lately, rough from lack of use, it lacked the luster and strange melody it had had once. He stopped suddenly and turned back to her, "I want... to know what she would say. I can't have that, can I? So why should I waste time trying to attain it."

"What happened to you?" Tifa mumbled coldly, she was so frustrated with him she could have screamed. "Do you really think that who you're becoming is someone Aeris would love!" She snapped out, hugging herself and shivering as tears gathered behind her eyes. She didn't know exactly why she was crying, she cried so much recently she was never sure anymore. Cloud's eyes seemed to pierce right through her, as if she wasn't there.

"Well if she were here this wouldn't be happening, would it?" He retorted, an edge to his voice.

"If she hadn't done what she did we'd all be dead. How can you be so selfish? How can you take away from what she did for us all? Once upon a time you understood better than anyone why she had to go- you know she went because she loves you so much, because she cares so much for this whole messed up world! If she wasn't like that you'd still be that cold bastard you were when- Cloud? Are you even listening to me?" She closed the distance between them and reached up to grab his shoulders, shaking him, "Cloud! If she hadn't done it she wouldn't be the person she was and you wouldn't have loved her anyway! This is the way it had to be!"

There was a long silence and Cloud finally dragged his gaze up to Tifa's, his eyes were terribly red and his cheeks were stained with tears for what felt like the thousandth time that day alone. "I know..." he whispered, "I've always known... I promised her I wouldn't be afraid, Tifa... I'm not afraid, I trust her, she said she would come back... I know it all- why does it still hurt so much?" He fell against her and she; unable to support his weight, let both of them collapse onto the beach.

"It's always going to hurt, but you've got to stay strong."

"I can't... I can't," He sobbed softly, "She was my strength."

"She still is." 


End file.
